Brij Mehta Diaries

In the crisp discipline of uniformed services, where duty, decorum, and danger converge daily, humour finds its own quiet command. Whether it’s the witty banter between soldiers in a bunker or the light-hearted jests exchanged over get-togethers, humour becomes more than just comic relief—it’s a resilient coping mechanism, a bridge between comrades, and a silent defiance against stress and fear. “Humour in Olive Greens ” takes readers into this unique world where laughter wears boots, and every chuckle echoes with courage, camaraderie, and the quiet wisdom of those who serve.

Let me start with a humour which pertains to me. After finishing my basic officers course training, I was posted to an infantry unit in a remote high-altitude area of Ladakh and joined them when it was snowing &  a cold blizzard all around in the month of April. I had a receding hairline and was worried that it would come in the way of my getting married. On a wintry, chilly evening after a game of Volleyball, our CO, who was a Sikh Gentleman, was on a round of the Companies. I was the junior-most officer of the unit and came face-to-face with the CO in front of my Company Commander & Senior JCO. For some unknown reasons, I had removed my Cap Balaclava, exposing my hair line to CO, who took exception to my supposedly long hair & asked the OC Company, “ Don’t you have a barber? he got the answer in affirmative, OK, then let Mehta make use of him? much to my chagrin, as a person who had hardly any hair would like to have a haircut in the biting conditions in Ladakh.  

Then there is a story of our SL (Special List)  Quarter Master in the same region of Ladakh. QM controls all the resources in terms of Clothing, Rations, Fuel etc received by the unit & he maintains a pool of reserves for emergencies. So this gentleman had given strict instructions to his Stoneman not to issue anything to anyone without a chit issued by him. He had the habit of keeping everyone happy by not saying NO to anyone. But there was a catch & understanding between QM & Storeman. After signing the chit, QM used to write OK & mark a Tick. However, if the tick is crossed with a small minus sign or will put a small T is put somewhere or on the reverse of the chit, thereby conveying “Terculation” meaning “Tarkao jitna ho sake’’ (delay as much as possible). Now the indenter goes to the Store and is informed that the requested item is not available & he is asked to come again and again the After two -three visits, he foregoes the requests, and QM is able to keep the indenter happy as well as maintain his reserves till fresh consignments are received.

A soldier went home on leave and was sharing his experiences with his friends and village folks and describing cold conditions in winters at Siachen, and said, “ Wahan itni thand padti hai ki hum jo baat karte hain woh bhi jum jati hai ! (It’s so harsh a winter there that whatever we talk about there gets frozen !!)

A Company Commander was taking a motivation class for junior leaders of his company. After the class got over, he asked a Jawan, “What is the difference between Fear & Panic ?’’, The Jawan unwittingly replied, Sir, phear dar hota hai jo hamare level ka hota hai lekin Panic unche darje ka hota hai jo officer level pe hota hai ,much to the amusement of the whole class.

When posted at a Brigade headquarters in Rajasthan, I was tasked to accompany our  Commander to accompany him for a recce of a proposed exercise in Backward areas of West Rajasthan. It was about three three-hour drive from the HQ. On reaching the outskirts of a small village, Commander wanted to have a small break for a cup of tea, which was being carried in a Thermos, so stopped and got out of the Jonga. He saw a man on one side of the road who was shaving with a small mirror in his hand, and asked him his name, which he replied. Commander then shot off another query, “’Kya kar raha hai ?’’ To this man, bluntly replied with a harsh tone (which was his usual way of speaking)“Thoddi bana raha hun ‘’ much to our embarrassment, and we realized it was no point in asking this guy who was just illiterate poor guy and got into the Jonga to look for someone sensible person who could converse properly and which we found going slightly ahead.

Army have transit camps where personnel especially in forward areas, when proceeding on Leave or duty, report before proceeding or returning from home. All movements are registered and are counted towards the start of leave or rejoining from leave/duty, etc. This was applicable more so when the means of communication (road/rail/air) were not developed and were dependent on Transit camps for Convoy movements. As a tale goes, at one of the transit camps during evening roll calls ( passing instructions for next day’s movements),the CHM (Company Havildar Major), who was from North India  would say in Punjabi ‘’Jana hai ta dus ,nahin jana ta vi dus de ? (if you want to go then tell me, even if you don’t want to go then also  tell me ) much to the amusement of those present.

We were serving at a location close to Jammu in late eighties where the battalion was commanded by a Sikh Gentleman who was a noble soul and soft at heart but hard task master otherwise . The Second in Command or the 2IC as he is known in Army was a major from Haryana who was of wrestler build and very sincere and hardworking .2IC is the link between the CO and the officers and conveys the instructions of the CO regarding discipline and other matters. This gentleman was very simple soldier and never wanted to be ticked off by the CO so he was a son of the soil and very cautious not to come into bad books in the eyes of the CO.

There is a saying in the Army that rules are made to be obeyed, and if you break them, you will be noticed and reprimanded. There were instructions that only one person would sit in the front seat alongside the driver in the unit transport. Since the number of Jeeps were limited in a unit and out of which one was for CO’s No 1 and the other standby or No 2.Very rarely 2IC in those days get a jeep unless it was available, and the duty demanded a Jeep for him to maintain the dignity of the unit.So our worthy 2IC was travelling once in a One Tonne Nissan vehicle from unit lines to some duty and a junior officer asked him if he could also sit, to which the 2IC agreed after much persuasion, as it was against the rules, as CO had gone somewhere and was not expected early. The one Tonne had barely travelled a few KM when they noticed at a distance the CO’s Jeep coming from the opposite direction, creating panic, and he asked the Driver to slow down so that the other officer could jump out, telling “Kud Ja, Kud Jaa” (Jump off ,Jump off), which was not humanly possible. As the COs jeep neared further, 2IC, realizing that it’s risky for the officer to jump down, he struck another idea and said “ Jhuk Ja, Jhuk Ja” (meaning lie low with head down), putting hand on his head and brought it down to avid CO’s glare, saluted CO smartly when the two vehicles crossed each other and thus avoided being noticed and a possible admonishment !!

Army had a tradition of holding monthly Sainik Sammelans at Company and at Battalion levels.At the Company level the company Commanders hold their monthly Durbar as it was called then wherein the officer commanding will read out important communications for their welfare and other policy matters. This forum was also for him to hear the grievances if any of the troops and address them.If any matter required Commanding Officers attention that was recorded in a register and put up to the CO, and on the day of CO’s Sainik Sammelan, the concerned Jawan had full freedom to raise the query to CO to resolve the matter/give directions. Before the arrival of the CO ,2IC used to take a report of the present strength from the Adjutant for reporting to CO. Buglers used to play Fan fare tune which had limited notes.In one of the previous occasions, CO directed that Fan fare played was very short so this 2IC, before the Sammelan, called the Bugler and asked him to continue playing the Bugle till CO reaches the stage. Bugler replied that Sir it is not possible as it has limited notes, to the amusement of those present said “ Manne nahin Baira  jaise marzi kar ,ek phoonk  aur mar de “(I don’t know how you do it, just blow extra air into the Bugle !).

Besides the Monthly CO’s Durbar (Sainik Sammelans) ,Special Sainik Sammelans are also held to honour visiting Dignitaries like “Colonels of the Regiment”,the senior-most Regimental Officers who visit Battalions of their Regiments to motivate and boost morale of the troops as also they brief the troops on the welfare activities of the Regiment. So our then COR was visiting the Battalion in a Field Area every thing was lined up and awaiting the arrival of the CO & the Chief Guest. When our worthy 2IC boosted the morale of the troops and brought cheers on the faces of all ranks by saying “ Yeh koi CO wala Sainik Sammelan nahin hai jo har mahine hota hai. Dekhiye kade ya mat boliye ki manne Macchar dani nahin mili ya manne kaambal nahin mila”(This is not a normal Sainik Sammelan and don’t ever get up and say that you did not get Net Mosquito or your Blanket), much to the joy of all those present and a big laugh from all those present.

In late 1989, I was posted out to the North East and, true to the Battalion’s traditions me my family and were given a befitting farewell, including a send-off at the Amritsar Railway Station. We had to travel by a passenger train to Jammu around noon, and CO and a few officers reached RS. The train was already placed at the PF, and we were waiting for it to depart.CO was stoutly built and dressed in Winter Uniform with Peak Cap when a poor village lady with a sack on her head came and presuming CO to be a Guard/TT of the train asked “Bau Pathankot di gaddi kithon milu?” (Babu ji, where shall I get the train for Pathankot? “ CO sheepishly replied to the woman ,other presents had a sheepish smile, which they could not express in front of the Tiger.

Humour is an integral and on going part of a person’s life whether in Civvies or in uniform and would continue to bring smiles in life.